Why I Resigned from Taffety Punk
In August of 2024, I resigned from Taffety Punk after 14 years of company membership. Here's what happened:
Marc, Lise, and I were lovers for ten years. I saw them as my best friends and chosen family. They frequently told me that I was family and that they loved and valued me. Our relationship ended when I discovered that Marc, with Lise’s full knowledge and consent, had been sleeping with another company member for years. This woman didn't know about my relationship with Marc and Lise, and they never informed me that our arrangement had changed to include this other company member.
When I learned what had happened, I felt that not only had two company members been violated personally, but that harm had been done to the Taffety Punk community. Marc is an Artistic Director, and as a person who decides who does and does not get to create art and get paid for it, he has a duty to behave responsibly with his company members at all times. Valuable collaborations were destroyed, and my sense of safety and ability to trust my closest collaborators was badly damaged. I spoke up about the disconnect between Marc's behavior and Taffety Punk's message of respect for women, but my concerns were not heard. I let other members of the company and the board know what had happened, but they did not take sufficient action to create better accountability and transparency in order to ensure that no further harm would be done. I was told that the issue was personal and that my objections regarding the professional ethics of this situation did not need to be addressed.
The one condition that Marc and Lise laid on me during our decade-long relationship was that I needed to keep it a secret. They told me this was for my own good, as I wouldn’t want anyone to think I was being cast at Taffety Punk because of my intimate relationship with them. There were moments in our relationship that I felt isolated by this secret and asked if I could at least tell my closest friends about this important part of my life. They said no and I continued to respect their wishes but felt increasingly isolated.
Throughout our breakup, Marc and Lise pressured me to continue keeping the secret. I found this very difficult to do as I had experienced significant losses and was struggling with my mental and emotional health. I also felt that it was important for the company to know that our Artistic Director's professions of feminism and support for women had not been reflected in his behavior with women in the company. After keeping an important part of my life a secret for a decade, I felt that I needed transparency in order to heal. This need was met with consistent resistance and several statements that I had an ethical obligation to keep silent to protect all of the other parties involved. Over time, I have told my story to company members and friends, but every act of telling has been fraught with guilt and anxiety because of the pressure that was placed on me by Marc, Lise, and, later, the President of the Taffety Punk Board. I was told that if I spoke about Marc's misconduct, even just within the company, that the word would get out to the public and the company would fold. The Board President said, "I'm not going to tell you not to talk about this, but if you do, a lot of people are going to get hurt." I feel that any harm that occurs as a result of Marc's misconduct should be Marc's responsibility, not mine. I have been harmed and should not be blamed for wishing to speak about my experience.
I am not ashamed of loving Marc and Lise. I was proud to be with them and would not have minded people knowing about our relationship. It would have been better professionally to be transparent with the company. As far as casting is concerned, I believe my work speaks for itself. If Marc had been willing to be transparent with the company about his misconduct, I believe we could have weathered this and come out stronger. I asked him to come forward within the company; he said, "That's not necessary."
Ultimately, I left Taffety Punk because the disconnect between the company’s public message and its private conduct was too great. I left because I couldn't watch Marc promote Teresa's book (a collection of responses to men who objectify women) after he treated me and another company member as objects for years. I left because I could no longer pretend that the Riot Grrrls' message of female empowerment was true. I left because I couldn't listen to people say that "women roar at Taffety Punk" after I had been silenced for years.
I am heartbroken to lose my community, my chosen family, and a huge part of my professional life and identity. Within 48 hours of my resignation, I was removed from the Taffety Punk website and was blocked from all of the company's social media. I did not hear from any member of the board, not even to say “We will look into this and see how we can improve” or “We’re so sorry to lose you" or even "Are you okay?" Most members of the company, including my closest friends, have not been in touch since the day I resigned. As far as I can see, they have done their best to erase me and move on as if nothing happened.
I am not the first woman in the company Marc has taken advantage of, but I’m the first one to speak out, and I have discovered what a lonely position that is.
Marc, Lise, and I were lovers for ten years. I saw them as my best friends and chosen family. They frequently told me that I was family and that they loved and valued me. Our relationship ended when I discovered that Marc, with Lise’s full knowledge and consent, had been sleeping with another company member for years. This woman didn't know about my relationship with Marc and Lise, and they never informed me that our arrangement had changed to include this other company member.
When I learned what had happened, I felt that not only had two company members been violated personally, but that harm had been done to the Taffety Punk community. Marc is an Artistic Director, and as a person who decides who does and does not get to create art and get paid for it, he has a duty to behave responsibly with his company members at all times. Valuable collaborations were destroyed, and my sense of safety and ability to trust my closest collaborators was badly damaged. I spoke up about the disconnect between Marc's behavior and Taffety Punk's message of respect for women, but my concerns were not heard. I let other members of the company and the board know what had happened, but they did not take sufficient action to create better accountability and transparency in order to ensure that no further harm would be done. I was told that the issue was personal and that my objections regarding the professional ethics of this situation did not need to be addressed.
The one condition that Marc and Lise laid on me during our decade-long relationship was that I needed to keep it a secret. They told me this was for my own good, as I wouldn’t want anyone to think I was being cast at Taffety Punk because of my intimate relationship with them. There were moments in our relationship that I felt isolated by this secret and asked if I could at least tell my closest friends about this important part of my life. They said no and I continued to respect their wishes but felt increasingly isolated.
Throughout our breakup, Marc and Lise pressured me to continue keeping the secret. I found this very difficult to do as I had experienced significant losses and was struggling with my mental and emotional health. I also felt that it was important for the company to know that our Artistic Director's professions of feminism and support for women had not been reflected in his behavior with women in the company. After keeping an important part of my life a secret for a decade, I felt that I needed transparency in order to heal. This need was met with consistent resistance and several statements that I had an ethical obligation to keep silent to protect all of the other parties involved. Over time, I have told my story to company members and friends, but every act of telling has been fraught with guilt and anxiety because of the pressure that was placed on me by Marc, Lise, and, later, the President of the Taffety Punk Board. I was told that if I spoke about Marc's misconduct, even just within the company, that the word would get out to the public and the company would fold. The Board President said, "I'm not going to tell you not to talk about this, but if you do, a lot of people are going to get hurt." I feel that any harm that occurs as a result of Marc's misconduct should be Marc's responsibility, not mine. I have been harmed and should not be blamed for wishing to speak about my experience.
I am not ashamed of loving Marc and Lise. I was proud to be with them and would not have minded people knowing about our relationship. It would have been better professionally to be transparent with the company. As far as casting is concerned, I believe my work speaks for itself. If Marc had been willing to be transparent with the company about his misconduct, I believe we could have weathered this and come out stronger. I asked him to come forward within the company; he said, "That's not necessary."
Ultimately, I left Taffety Punk because the disconnect between the company’s public message and its private conduct was too great. I left because I couldn't watch Marc promote Teresa's book (a collection of responses to men who objectify women) after he treated me and another company member as objects for years. I left because I could no longer pretend that the Riot Grrrls' message of female empowerment was true. I left because I couldn't listen to people say that "women roar at Taffety Punk" after I had been silenced for years.
I am heartbroken to lose my community, my chosen family, and a huge part of my professional life and identity. Within 48 hours of my resignation, I was removed from the Taffety Punk website and was blocked from all of the company's social media. I did not hear from any member of the board, not even to say “We will look into this and see how we can improve” or “We’re so sorry to lose you" or even "Are you okay?" Most members of the company, including my closest friends, have not been in touch since the day I resigned. As far as I can see, they have done their best to erase me and move on as if nothing happened.
I am not the first woman in the company Marc has taken advantage of, but I’m the first one to speak out, and I have discovered what a lonely position that is.